Nice Guy or Narcissistic Creepster?

By Jillian Owens

 

There’s a certain article that keeps clogging up my Facebook feed titled:  An Open Letter to the Girl who Let the Nice Guy Go by Frishta Yaquibe.  Go ahead.  Read it right now.   It opens with the dubious line,

“I’ve seen it happen way too many times: The nice guy loses the girl for being exactly who he is.

What’s even worse is if he’s really the nice guy, he’s going to lose her and say nothing about it.”

Oh really?  I wouldn’t call publishing an open letter in a public forum saying “nothing about it”, but okay.  I’ll let you finish.

Don’t worry.  It gets worse.  Allow me to pull out some of the most disturbing bits for you.

“He ignored your fears and forced you to grow; he fought for your passions when you were too busy writing them off.”

I’m getting a little nervous…

“He may have loved you too soon and it was too crazy and too much.”

Yikes.

“Save yourself time and energy because the good guy isn’t going to make it easy to just walk away.”

Wow.  Now That has some truly frightening implications!

“Ewwwww.  What a creepy beta male!”  was my initial response to this self-pitying/self-aggrandizing tripe.  Then I discovered the author of this article is actually female.

The hell?!?

As a woman who has been plagued with more than her fair share of these self-proclaimed “Nice Guys”, I can’t believe any other woman would write such a thing that does nothing but feed the misapprehensions of these human barnacles.

 

“Why don’t chicks dig us?  We’re such nice guys!”

I know the “Nice Guy”.  I know him well.  He’s the one who gazes adoringly at me after just a few minutes of conversation and tells me how amazing I am before I’ve ever actually done anything amazing in his presence.  He’s the one who can cite any article I’ve ever written by date.  He’s the one who puts me on a pedestal without actually knowing anything about me.  He’ll drop all of his plans to hang out with me.  He sends me novella-length texts all day.  He’ll wash my car.  He’ll mow my yard.  And when I still don’t want a romantic relationship with him, he’ll angrily turn on me.  Suddenly , I’m ungrateful.  I must not think I deserve a “Nice Guy” like him.  Don’t I appreciate everything he’s done?  Girls like me only like jerks and will rue the day they rejected all these “Nice Guys”.  Sure fellas.  Keep telling yourselves that.

 

Oh Brother!

The problem with “Nice Guys” is that they’re not actually nice.  Anyone who feels they’re entitled to another person’s affections just because they have feelings for them is narcissistic, creepy, and weird…but certainly not nice.  Every time one of these needy clingsters puts a woman on a pedestal, it’s just another way to avoid looking her in the eye.  The woman doesn’t matter as a person, but as a conquest – and object to be acquired.  These are the same guys who complain about being placed in “The Friend Zone”, as if a woman’s friendship is some sort of consolation prize.

 

 

I think The Friend Zone sounds fun!

These “Nice Guy” tactics never work.  I don’t want to be coddled and served.  I want to be challenged.  I want someone who isn’t afraid to tell me no or to call me out when I’m being ridiculous.  I don’t want some mincing coward who’s afraid to suggest what restaurant to dine at that evening for fear I’ll judge them.  I can’t appreciate praise and affection I’ve done nothing to earn.  It’s about respect.  And no woman of high value can respect a man who caves to her every wish and whim…especially when this is all part of a pathetic attempt to get under her skirt.

Perhaps these fellas need to stop focusing on trying to be “nice” and instead try to be decent human beings first.

See you in the friend zone!

 

Jillian Owens is a writer, designer, and eco-fashion revolutionary. A Columbia SC transplant, she graduated from the University of South Carolina with a BFA in Theatre and English. When she’s not gallivanting about, she’s busy refashioning ugly thrift store duds into fashionable frocks at ReFashionista.net or helping the underserved through her work in Community Impact at United Way of the Midlands. She also reviews local theater productions for Jasper Magazine and Onstage Columbia. Any comments, questions, or crude remarks can be directed to [email protected].

 

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