Proper Funeral Attire – Lax Society Or Not There Are Still Rules

By Brian Maynor

 

 

Death has featured prominently over the past few weeks, both personally and in the news, so consequently I have seen some very interesting choices in funeral attire.  Looking past the grief, what I was subjected to at a recent funeral service left me feeling embarrassed for the deceased and their family and resentful of fellow mourners for their lack of thought and deference to the situation.

While the days of formal mourning attire, including veils, gloves and hats, have passed there are still rules you should follow, if not for yourself then out of respect for the departed and their family.

Here is a rundown of what you should or should not wear when attending a funeral service:

 

1.   Somber Mood.  By their nature, funerals are sad.  Whether they are called celebrations of life or not you are still grieving the loss of a loved one and remembering the impact they had on your life.  This solemn mood should be reflected in your attire.

What does that mean?  Simply put, no bright, pastel, or neon colors should be visible.  Black is the common, obvious choice for mourning attire, but that has been expanded over the years to included dark grey and navy.  Deep reds, greens and purples are also acceptable.

An extension of the color is the print or pattern of the garment.  Ideally you should keep the colors solid, but pinstripes and texture variations are acceptable.  Bold prints and patterns, however, do not work even in a dark color.

The only exception to this rule would be specific requests from the family.  If they want a luau theme then by all means wear your favorite Hawaiian shirt, but without those requests opt for more formal than casual options.

 

2.   Exposed Skin.  I understand we live in South Carolina and it’s hot in the summer, especially wearing dark colors.  I also accept the fact that floor length, long sleeve dresses are overkill and out dated, but there are options that can be worn in the heat of summer and keep an appropriate amount of modesty.

Acceptable men’s attire has not changed that much through the years.  Dark suits are still the norm with a solid white shirt and dark tie.  If you must make it more casual please keep the suit and lose the tie.  Wearing a blazer with slacks is pushing the level of casualness, and if you’re thinking about wearing a short-sleeve shirt you better have a jacket to wear over it.

Bare shoulders, be it sleeveless, tank tops, straps or halter-tops are inappropriate across the board. The majority of services are conducted in climate-controlled environments.  Most of those are over cooled to accommodate the number of people and level of dress, just like offices, so there is no reason you can’t wear a sleeve.  I’ll concede a bare head, but there is nothing modest about bare shoulders and arms.

Bare legs are a bit trickier.  While shorts are never appropriate, for men or women, and miniskirts are frowned upon; bare legs are acceptable if your skirt or dress falls to your knee.  If you opt for one that falls shorter you will need to wear tights or hose.

 

3.   Footwear and Accessories.  Conservative.  Formal.  Modest.  These are they adjectives you want to remember when building and completing your funeral look.  Pearls or metal jewelry work best, but they should not be flashy or oversized.  That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with your accessories, just keep in mind the flashier the item the smaller it should be in size.

You should always choose a closed toe shoes with a medium or low heel and your bag should be small, dark or left in the trunk of your car.  Sequins, glitter and big jewels like bright colors and patterns are not appropriate for the situation.

 

I know people have places to go and things to do before and after a funeral service, and life is a lot more casual in general, but if you decide to attend you should commit to the obligation, and that means dressing appropriately.   If you can’t do that, go to the visitation or see the family afterwards, where you can wear whatever you want.

If you’re interested in seeing a retrospective on funeral style be sure to check out the “Death Becomes Her: A Century of Mourning Attire” exhibit opening at the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art October 21.  More information is available here.

 

 

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

 

 

 

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

 

 

I am always curious to hear some of your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and challenges.  Please send your comments and questions to [email protected].  Also find each of these storyborads at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

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