Smile

By Jillian Owens

 

I’m a generally happy person.  When walking down the street I’ll frequently smile at strangers, stop to pet cute dogs, and say “Hello”.  I usually have a fairly happy expression for pretty much most of the time.

Unfortunately, I was also apparently born without that thing that keeps my face from telegraphing exactly what I’m feeling at any moment in time.  If someone says something I find off-putting, they’ll be able to tell.  If I’m completely not following a discussion, I’ll look obviously confused.  And if I’m sad, I look sad.  I would be a terrible terrible poker player.

 

This guy would win.

 

The other day I was upset in deep in upset thought while walking down Main Street.  Some middle aged dude passed me and said, “Hey Girl.  You’d be so pretty right now if you’d just Smile.”

Why do men say this?  Do they realize how invasive and creepy this is?  Have you ever noticed how women never order men to project particular expressions for their benefit?  “Hey boy…look successful!” , “You’d be way hotter if you appeared more emotionally distant”, and “Act like you’re well-read and intelligent” are all things you’ll never hear us yell at strangers.

Smile?  Smile?  I was upset.  I wasn’t making a big deal about it, but what’s so wrong with having corresponding facial expressions for corresponding emotions?  I clearly didn’t feel like smiling, so why the hell would I?

Usually this wouldn’t bother me, but today it did.  I told this creepy fellow to go perform an act upon himself that is undoubtedly painful, anatomically impossible to achieve, and one my editor certainly wouldn’t allow in this article.  I walked away seething.

Incidents like this always put me into “What I Should Have Said Theatre” mode where I imagine every possible better comeback I could have given.  Rather than just swearing at this idiot, I should have explained myself to him.

“Excuse me.  Can we talk candidly for a moment?”  I would have said, pulling him aside.

“I realize you’re probably just trying to be nice at best or hit on me at worst, but telling me to project an emotion I’m not feeling is rude and weird.  I don’t care if you think I’m pretty or not.  And forcing a smile isn’t going to make me feel better.  My Dad who I don’t really talk to is really sick, and I’m not sure exactly how I feel about that.   I just got some news that just added another layer of loathing to my personal life, I’m overwhelmed with various tasks I have to accomplish to try and make one of my biggest dreams come true – which I sincerely doubt I’ll be able to pull off,  and I haven’t been sleeping well.  I’m sure everything is going to be fine and I’ll be back to my old self again soon enough, but right now at this exact moment, I’m not happy and I’m not going to project the idea that I am to make you more comfortable.”

 

Plus I’m having a really weird hair day

 

He would then of course recognize the error of his ways, apologize profusely, and continue his life a changed man who no longer said strange things to women as they passed him on the sidewalk.  He would tell his friends, colleagues, and children of the day someone finally told him why commanding frowning women to “Smile!” is offensive and creepy.  They would tell their friends, colleagues, and children, and within a few years, NO WOMAN would ever be told to “Smile!” by a stranger ever again!

I know it’s not World Peace.  But hey man…it would have been something.

 

Jillian Owens is a writer, designer, and eco-fashion revolutionary. A Columbia SC transplant, she graduated from the University of South Carolina with a BFA in Theatre and English. When she’s not gallivanting about, she’s busy refashioning ugly thrift store duds into fashionable frocks at ReFashionista.net or helping the underserved through her work in Community Impact at United Way of the Midlands. She also reviews local theater productions for Jasper Magazine and Onstage Columbia, and is an occasional contributor for The Free Times. Any comments, questions, or crude remarks can be directed to [email protected].

 

 

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