Friends & Drinking Buddies

 

 

By Jillian Owens

 

Every holiday season, we’re surrounded with messages of friendship. From Christmas carols extolling the value of friends to seasonal gatherings, which naturally bring us all together, it’s just about impossible not to reflect on the people around us who we hold dear.

 

It is also a time of Tacky Christmas Sweater parties.

 

The older I get, the more I value the wonderful, diverse, loving, kind, interesting, complex, and even at rare moments vexing group of people I call my friends. Most of us are transplants to Columbia, but we have been in each other’s lives for years. While the phrase “For richer, for for poorer…In sickness and in health” is most commonly associated with weddings, this is an unspoken vow we’ve kept. Our friendship continues to grow…roots digging deep into the South Carolina clay where we’ve planted ourselves for various reasons.

In the last year, I’ve made a concentrated effort to meet new people. Partially because I felt like I was insulating myself too much in my own friend bubble, partially because I was single and any article you ever read about being in such a state in your 30’s commands you to put yourself “out there”, and partially because I thought it would be a good move for me professionally. The overall lessons I’ve learned from this are, there are a lot of unpleasant people “out there”, and a lot of people don’t have true friends.

 

We’re waiting for our Reality Show offer…

 

In a community that is obsessed with networking, I’ve seen very little connecting. Yes, there are groups dedicated to helping your business score leads, groups where you’ll meet people in careers like your own who can help you professionally, and groups where you can pretend to volunteer – but most of your “events” will be a never-ending series of happy hours. Do you really care about these people? Do they really care about you? And what happens if these are the only people you interact with?

I have an acquaintance who had some easy, but time-consuming tasks she needed to complete around her house. I remember when she told me, “Any time I want to try out a new recipe or want to meet people out for drinks, I’m surrounded by friends. But when I’m broke or need help, everyone is suddenly busy.” I was shocked and touched. This person is popular, respected, and liked. I remembered my own recent experience with moving, wherein my friends politely overlooked the fact that I was probably too old to be offering them pizza and beer rather than hiring movers. I helped her out a little and was really happy to (hopefully) have restored her faith in humanity a little.

 

These people are part of the best moving crew in the country.

 

I see this a lot. Acquaintances who have plenty of networking & bar friends who end up feeling completely alone when their lives are less than sterling. Small misunderstandings turn grown women into frenemies. We’re all so busy networking that we aren’t bothering to really connect with anyone.

Try this. The next time you meet someone new, don’t open with the usual, “So, what do you do?” Ask a question that establishes what their values, interests, and passions are. “Have you read any good books lately?”, “What do you think of the charcuterie here?”, and “What’s your favorite thing that’s happened to you this week?”, are all – in my opinion are all better and kinder.

One of the sweetest people I know has taught me to always try to be kinder than necessary. This is also the surest way to form real friendships. When someone needs a lift to the mechanic, help them out. When someone is traveling and needs a dog sitter, take their adorable dachshund in for a couple of days. Listen with an open mind, rather than just waiting to speak. Not for hope of a reward, but just to connect.

 

 

Jillian Owens is a writer, designer, and eco-fashion revolutionary. A Columbia SC transplant, she graduated from the University of South Carolina with a BFA in Theatre and English. When she’s not gallivanting about, she’s busy refashioning ugly thrift store duds into fashionable frocks at ReFashionista.net or creating compelling content for the clients of Riggs Partners, where she works as a digital marketing specialist. She also reviews local theater productions for Jasper Magazine and Onstage Columbia, and is a contributor for The Good Life Blog and The Free Times. Any comments, questions, or crude remarks can be directed to [email protected].

 

 

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