The freedom of forgiveness

By Jeff Becraft

There is no freedom in unforgiveness.

We may try to talk ourselves into that our attitude and actions are right, and this is what we should do, and that person deserves this or that, but the reality is we are the one who remains the prisoner.

It is said, holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

There are times in my life when I have been faced with a person who I did not agree with what they said or how they acted and it really bothered me. I had something recently happen to me where the person’s name came up. I tensed up inside right away and I even began thinking of what I would say to this person and how I would tell them how their attitude was wrong, and what they said was wrong… And if I told you the circumstances behind it all, you would say, “You’re correct… that was wrong, what they said and did and how they acted.”

The thing is, I’ve only been around this person twice in my entire life! I don’t even really know them. And yet, when their name came up, I was filled with great bitterness and resentment.

Obviously, I have not forgiven them.

Now, I thought that I had forgiven them. There have been times I have even verbally said out loud to myself that I forgive this person. But obviously I haven’t. And so, once again I have made the choice to forgive them.

Forgiveness is like love – it is a choice. I think a lot of times we don’t forgive someone because we think we are saying that what they did is okay. That’s not what we’re doing when we forgive someone. What we are saying is that we are not going to make them pay the price for what they did. We are not going to hold it over them.

One of the secrets to my Dad’s life was he didn’t hold anything against anybody. There were several situations in his life that he was done wrong and he could have, in the world’s eyes, rightfully held a grudge and bitterness and resentment. But he didn’t. Dad was never like that.

One time in his church, they were having a study on forgiveness. They had to come up with people that they held on to something against them. This was in the last years of his life. And Dad would talk to me about it. He would say, “I just can’t think of anybody that I have anything against.” Dad wasn’t just saying that (and I shared this at his memorial service)… that’s the way he was. He would bring it up more than once, “I just can’t think of anybody.” I would respond, “Dad, that’s great! That’s the way you want it to be.”

Because when we forgive, we stop allowing that person to have control over our lives… and that is freedom.

Jeff Becraft is the Director of Our Place of Hope and the Director Emeritus for Youth Corps and has dedicated much of his life to helping shift the vision of people’s lives. Our Place of Hope is a paradigm shift for people living with mental illness that encourages them to regain meaning, purpose, and hope for their lives. You can connect with Jeff at  [email protected].