Chomp!

By Ron Aiken
March 7, 2014

On the joy of coffee,and the wickedness of its absence

There’s a thing that happens in my brain when I have coffee,and there’s a thing that happens in my brain when I don’t.

When I have had coffee, the world is full of wonder,amazement and opportunities to engage it so powerful I may burst from theweight of their volume. Every new encounter is an opportunity to practice joy,every new person I meet a likely angel in disguise.

When I have not had coffee, you are not to be trusted. Iview you askance, scoffing at your ways – ways I see right through. You havemotives that are small, your selfishness flows like the river Nile and yourtalk, well, let’s just say it doesn’t please me. Unless you are bringing mecoffee, you are just one more of life’s many disappointments.

When I have had coffee, the sun is bright, the gift of lifeilluminated. Hope and faith become the central facts of my universe. Everythingis possible, everything is to be treated with respect and everything is to beshown the kind of love and kindness that asks nothing in return.

When I have not had coffee, your things do not please me.Mighty gifts you may offer, and yet I will find in them the mistake, thething-not-thought-through. It will please me to point this out.

This was Chomp!’s face when he learned there wasno Starbucks in Auburn, Alabama, on a road trip there last week.

This was Chomp!’s face when he learned there was aStarbucks up the road in Opelika. Can you see the difference? Isn’t lifesuddenly wonderful?!

When I have had coffee, I accept the grace of a world inwhich I am forgiven, the grace of a life I can live to the best of my ability,seeing through the small to the large, the trees to the forest, the meaninglessto the meaningful. The world is alive in every precious moment, every preciousbreath, and I find myself profoundly grateful for the simplest of pleasures – asmile from a stranger, a gesture from a friend, the touch of the one we lovewith all our soul’s fire.

When I have not had coffee, grace itself becomes grotesque.I find the world stuck in a revolving absurd, our consciousness but a joke ofwhich we are the butts. Decaffeinated and gloomy, I muse how we wink alive onlyto witness the pointless cruelty of a Nature that devours us all withoutsympathy, much less meaning. I meet life’s pleasures with skepticism, notetheir downsides and am prone to bore quickly. I tire of things sooner than Ishould, and idle my gaze on trifling afflictions.

When I have had coffee, there is nothing between us, nowalls between any living thing, plant or animal, no sacrifice I won’t make foryou or anyone else in need. To ease the suffering of the world is my chiefdesire, to love all the faces of life spun at me my chief joy.

When I have not had coffee, I can make Napoleon a ministerand Hitler a saint. I eat grizzly bears for breakfast and pick my teeth withcrocodiles. I breathe dragon fire and conquer all I survey. I bark, I snip, Igrowl.

When I have had my coffee, I’m warmth itself. Your wish ismy command, your happiness my fulfillment. I soothe, I calm, I greet the worldin harmony, at peace with my life’s humble locomotion.

Today, dearest reader, I have had my coffee, and the worldis safe from my tyranny for another 24 hours. Today there will be neither firenor destruction, neither rampage nor riot. Instead, I thank you, I welcome you,I embrace the kindness you show me and absorb it into my spirit.

Oh coffee, may the sun never set on your grace, may yourbenefits never cease, may all the businesses of the world who serve you prosperand may my cup never be empty, because should it not – oh Lord, should it not –well, let’s not think of that anymore, shall we, because I can get a wee bitdark on the subject. As Chomp!’s is a sweet spirit, it serves him poorly todwell on such matters, so let’s just keep him in his cups, so to speak, OK?Deal!

From Chomp!’s full cup to yours, til next week!

(Note: Chomp! graciously accepts gifts of coffee made in thespirit of world peace. Just remember, you’re doing it for the world, OK? OK!Also, Chomp! realizes you may or may not feel the same as Chomp! does aboutcoffee, in which case you have my permission to re-read the column substituting“beer,” “wine,” “chocolate” or “crystal meth” as you see fit.)