Choosing forgiveness

By Jeff Becraft

Marine Clebe McClary fought in the Vietnam war.  On their 19th mission deep in hostile territory, his platoon and he suffered a vicious attack from the enemy.

In the words of the Air Force Special Operations Command, “The attack left him without his left arm, left eye and inflicted serious wounds to his right hand and legs. Marine Corps 1st Lt. Clebe McClary had given up, he was borderline unrecognizable and waiting to die in a hospital.”

I have heard Clebe McClary speak on several occasions. He went through 30 surgeries and over two years in military hospitals. But he overcame and has gone on to influence thousands of lives.

One of the things that Clebe emphasized when I heard him (and this is right at the top of his website) was: FIDO – Forget It and Drive On.

Last week I talked about how remembering is a weapon.

And conversely, forgetting is a weapon as well.

There are so many things that hinder us and bog us down because we will not let go of them.  And some of these things are not even major issues. It could be something small that did not go right, or did not turn out how we wanted it, or we feel like we messed up in a situation… the list goes on.

Clebe McClary would say look up and get ready for the next thing. Forget it and drive on… rather than getting bogged down with complaining or fretting.

I have said it before but Ben Hogan was asked one time what was the most important shot in golf and he replied, “The next one.”

One of the things that I think hinders people the most is unforgiveness. In fact, I would say it weighs people down more than all the rest put together.

I think one of the reasons we won’t forgive is because we feel like we are saying it is OK what the other person did to me. That is not true. What a person may have done to us is not right and forgiving them does not make it right. What they have done may have caused me deep hurt and it is right to feel that hurt and acknowledge that hurt.

What forgiveness is, is that I am not going to hold this against that person anymore. Just like love, forgiveness is a choice. It is costly. It means bearing the burden of what someone else has done.

I have also talked about Corrie Ten Boom before. She is one of my wife’s and my heroes. Corrie and her family hid Jews from the Nazis during World War II. They were caught. Corrie and her sister, Betsie, were sent to a prison camp. Their father never made it; he died during the process of being sent. Betsie died at the camp and Corrie was miraculously released one week before her number was to be exterminated.

Understandably so, Corrie said she would never go back to Germany ever again during her life. A fog hung over her heart and she asked God about it. He impressed upon her in a strong way – Germany! She relented and said, “OK, I will go and help the people of Germany.”

After speaking to a group of people one evening, she recognized a man in the back. He was one of the prison guards who had been at the death camp where she was located. Even though he was dressed in civilian clothes, she saw the Nazi uniform and a leather crop hanging from his belt with which he had inflicted so much cruelty.

He did not recognize her but she recognized him. She had been talking about her time at the prison camp. This man had had a deep change of heart and he approached Corrie and held out his hand and asked for her forgiveness. She froze. This man was part of the death of her sister and father and had caused her much suffering and she was to forgive him just like that? She stood frozen. He reached out his hand again and repeated, “Will you forgive me?”

As an act of faith, Corrie reached out and took his hand. She said that a wave of warmth flooded through her body.

I have never been through what Corrie Ten Boom has been through… or other people whom I know who grew up with abuse, sexual abuse, and all kinds of deep, hurtful atrocities. But those who have lived a life of forgiveness, now walk in freedom… and the other people are not able to continue to exert a negative influence on their lives. Corrie spent time after the war helping people who had been at the prison camps. She noted that those who forgave were able to find healing and go on with their lives; those that did not forgive simply withered up.

If Corrie (and people like her) was able to forgive those who caused the death of her family and caused her such affliction, who am I that I am holding on to something against some person?

Jeff Becraft is the Director of Our Place of Hope located in Columbia, South Carolina, where people find encouragement to regain meaning, purpose, and hope for their lives. Jeff has dedicated much of his life to helping shift the vision of people’s lives. If you would like Jeff to speak to your group or event, you can connect with him at  [email protected].