Dating Advice: Dear Debby and Jerry
August 23, 2013
August 22, 2013
Dear Debby and Jerry,
I have been on a major internet dating site for about 1 year. I have often seen the profiles of widows in my age range. I have been reluctant to contact them, even though some have very interesting profiles. My problem is that I have this feeling that I might have to live in the shadow of their former husband. Am I being too insecure about this?
– Lucas, Isle of Palms, SC
Dear Lucas,
I think you are worrying way too much about something that may never happen. Actually, widows are more open to meeting someone new and have less personal baggage than many divorced women. As you may know, many, not all, divorced woman are bitter and have many unresolved issues. Widows did not choose their fate; therefore, I think they are more open to new relationships. Give it a try and see what happens. You really have nothing to lose.
– Debby
Dear Lucas,
You could be lucky enough to find a widow that was happily married! The reason I say this is you might speculate she possesses the marriage tools to make for a successful marriage. Come on, have you only had one love in your life? Get over your insecurity and look for a person with whom you can be happy and find enjoyment. It is the totality of life’s experiences that shapes who we are. Widows are not exempt.
– Jerry
Dear Debby and Jerry,
I am 40 years old, divorced and recently signed up for a couple of Internet dating sites. I do not have any children by my former marriage, but almost all of the women in my age group on Internet dating sites have one or more. Though I love children, I see potential complications taking on such a major responsibility. I may be missing out on meeting some wonderful women and could have a ready-made family. Should I look for women in their 30’s that do not have children? There are plenty on dating sites!
– Shannon, Greenville, SC
Dear Shannon,
This is a tricky issue, as the biggest reason new mixed-children marriages don’t work is problems with children. Some people can blend families successfully, but most cannot. Disciplinary issues, attitude, exes, and egos play a large part in the failure of these marriages. If you already have concerns, I suggest you look for women that have not yet had children but do want them in the future.
– Debby
Dear Shannon,
Based on some surveys, 75% of all second marriages end in divorce. So, you are at a disadvantage to begin with. If you want to fall into the 25% group, you should seek premarital counseling, particularly if it involves children. Your raising the question may be your answer. Unless you are overwhelmingly seeking someone with children, you had best keep on looking for a mate that might want to share in creating them.
– Jerry
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