Advice from Debby and Jerry on Dating in a New World
April 27, 2013
Q-Dear Debby and Jerry,
I have been seeking a relationship through on-line dating for one year. Though I have met some interesting women, things have just not worked out with any of them. Sometimes, it seems I am interested and sometimes it seems they are not interested and visa-versa. I have spent a lot of time trying to cultivate relationships and I am exhausted and disappointed. I believe I have On-Line Dating Fatigue! I have heard of others that have had success, but it has not come my way. What are some options to improve the outcome?
– Mark, Columbia, SC
What you are experiencing is not uncommon. Online dating involves constantly being on the alert for emails, winks, favorites, making instant decisions to open communication with a stranger, wondering how much of their profile is authentic, deciding which women might be a fit and finding the time to do all of this. It can be absolutely exhausting! And after all of these efforts, the chances are slim that you will find the woman you are looking for anytime soon. This is the part that is disappointing. Combine disappointing and exhausting and it’s not surprising that you have Match Fatigue.
Let’s talk about options to improve the outcome. First, just take a break. You can hide your profile for a while and just let it go. Second, revamp your profile. Just a few changes can make a big difference. Add some new photos, focusing on you at a recent vacation spot or showing you doing something you enjoy, such as biking or playing tennis. Too many people try to be everything to everyone, so just be yourself, and eventually you will find someone who loves you for that. Also be realistic. Online dating takes a lot more time than traditional dating, but there is no better way to meet someone. Good luck in your search.
Let’s take another look at your dilemma, even though Debby has some good points. Sometimes we guys approach matters as if chopping wood, that is, going at it pretty strong and wanting to see immediate results. Basically, you are working with probabilities. Take a break or not, you will open many more possibilities by not always yielding to the typical male inclination to be so visual (yep, that’s how we are hard- wired), but check out the other person’s interests and preferences. Choose and center on these characteristics when communicating. Don’t forget the quest to find that special person can be arduous, but rewarding. The poet Rumi said, What you are seeking is seeking you. Go with that!
Q-Dear Debby and Jerry:
I am a 28-year-old female and am interested in online dating. I have a great career and am ready to meet the right guy and settle down. My biological clock is ticking loudly and I think meeting someone online is the way to go. The problem is this: most guys my age are on dating sites that cater to hooking up or casual relationships rather than settling down. I need advice on how to proceed.
– Pamela, Lexington, SC
If you don’t know this, there are multiple sites that might fit your goals more rapidly. There is even a site for those who choose to have children and raise them together with no strings attached. I suggest you do an Internet search and you will be surprised how many different sites there are to accommodate your needs. There is truly something for everyone out there and I think with a little patience and effort you will find who you are looking for.
Yes, I agree with Debby about narrowing your choice of Internet dating sites. Also, even if you try the more popular sites, you will find that when you write your profile of yourself and what you are seeking, you have the option of making the declarations of exactly what you want in the outcome of the relationship. Be very specific and I would not be surprised if there is not someone keenly interested in home and hearth…..and children for their own reasons. Give thought to who might not only be a good husband, but an excellent father.
Do you agree with Debby or Jerry? Readers are asked to voice their opinion by sending an email to: [email protected]
Send any online dating advice questions to: [email protected]. They will answer them anonymously in next week’s column.