Deborah OConnor July 29, 2013

As a recent newcomer to the South, I am intrigued and impressed by the Southern etiquette traditions practiced here. I love having doors opened, being offered a seat, offers to carry packages, and a deference to women shown in the South. I did a little research on traditions and wanted to share them with readers. Many of these are exclusively Southern and quite charming.

• Greeting each other in the South has its own particular charm. One usually sees a genuine smile that is seen in the eyes as well. Men usually shake hands and women hug each other. The reason for shaking hands originated to show that you did not have a weapon in your hand. I believe this is still true in many cases, as Southerners are well armed. It is an insult to refuse to shake hands with another man. It is a subtle way to test each other’s strength, and a weak or limp handshake immediately incurs disrespect.
• Eye contact is very important and can infer interest or disdain. It cannot be too intense so as to be staring and it cannot be so brief as to communicate disrespect. It’s also critical that one’s eyes do not wander where they shouldn’t be. Men are strongly advised to keep their eyes above the neckline when communicating with women. Gawking or turning around to stare is a breach of etiquette and any good Southern boy knows this. This shows a complete lack of respect for women and no self-respect.
• A healthy respect for personal space is always important. It is considered rude to crowd someone or “get in someone’s face”. This is considered intimidating and is not acceptable. It also prevents embarrassment of worrying about your breath or spraying someone as you speak. An arms distance is considered polite.
• Interrupting is another faux pas and not well-tolerated in the South. Being a Westerner (not a Northerner or Yankee, god forbid!), it has taken practice to be patient and let the other person speak without interruption. I’m making progress.
• One of my favorite Southern customs is that when males of any age enter a room, they remove their hats. This goes back to ancient times of removing your hat in church, but is a wonderful custom that has survived the ages in the South.
• Men always stand when a lady enters the room, leaves the room, gets up from the table, and returns to the table.
• The art of addressing people can be confusing. In today’s society, lines have been blurred and crossed, but you always address an older person or a superior by their sir-name. Between peers it is fine to use first names, but remember that familiarity can destroy barriers of proper conduct in personal as well as professional life. A good example is that children always called adults by their last names. There is now a common practice to call adults “Mr. Mike” or “Miss Louise”, which contributes to blurring lines of authority and respect.
• Gentleman should never speak improperly or use foul language around women and children. They should never tell sexually suggestive jokes or talk about private personal hygiene. Ladies should not put up with this behavior.
• Neighborliness is a blessing in the South. When someone new moves into your neighborhood, usually everyone makes an effort to welcome them. They will bring you a plant or a dessert. They check on sick or elderly neighbors. If someone is having a baby, surgery, or a death in the family, neighbors usually take turns bringing meals over to help out.

In spite of the many changes in our society over the last 50 years, many Southern traditions have remained intact. I am proud to call the South my home.

Deborah O’Connor is a social strategist and founder and president of Successful Image LLC with offices in Columbia and Atlanta. She offers training and seminars on image management, workplace etiquette, and social skillsnecessary to succeed in life professionally and personally. Contactat:  [email protected]        www.successfulimage.biz