No, we shouldn’t always speak our mind

November 30, 2017

MidlandsLife Logo 2

By Brian Maynor


I can’t deny there is a certain gratification that comes from speaking our mind, but did you know that most of the time those opinions are actually just complaints?

Growing up we are taught that whining is bad and that we shouldn’t complain, but we are also encouraged to ‘speak our mind’.  Those can be two very confusing and contradictory ideas, because they both focus on our opinions and point-of-view.

The only difference is that one is productive and the other one isn’t.

Here is a quick breakdown of how we can speak our minds, but cut down on the wining:

1.   In a nutshell.  According to a recent study, most people complain between 15-30 times a day, which averages out to be about an hour a day, because we do it without ever really acknowledging it.  Complaining is second nature to most of us.  It could be a simple as saying:  “I’m cold.”  “These shoes are uncomfortable.”  “I’m bored.”

2.    Why we do it.  Most of the time we speak our minds to seek validation and that includes complaining.  We may think by voicing our complaints or opinions we are brainstorming or working on a solution to a problem, but in reality it is simply an attempt to bond with someone else by commiserating and sharing like feelings and experiences.  We can’t help it.  As social animals, we need validation and acceptance in order to live and function in groups.

3.    Remember no one likes a whiner.  While we may gain a sense of satisfaction from venting, when the other person doesn’t share that opinion it can become awkward.  Think about our social media feeds.  We all have friends who seem to only post personal complaints or drama and chances are we all hide their posts or unfollow them.  We dismiss them and everything they have to say, because they have created a reputation for being a complainer.  It doesn’t matter if their complaints are well articulated or valid and it happens to complainers in real life too.

4.    If you speak your mind, make it productive.  Problems generate ideas; so make it a habit to follow up a complaint with a plan of action or a proposed solution.  Not only is this a productive way to complain, it also requires us to think about the problem before we open our mouths.  This will stop a lot of the reactionary and the semi-autonomous complaining most of us do when facing a problem or challenge.

As a child I was very reserved and envious of people who could speak up and speak their minds without any effort at all, but looking back most of them were just complainers.  Today I find myself avoiding them, especially if all they ever do is talk.  Complain all you want as long as you back it up with a plan to address the problem, otherwise keep your opinions to yourself.


Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.


Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.



I am always curious to hear about your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and help make your work wardrobe pull double duty.  Email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].  Also find each of these storyboards at with links to purchase each item.


About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit


MidlandsLife Logo 2

Sign up here to start your free subscription to MidlandsLife!