Sometimes You Win By Losing

By Deborah O’Connor

Managing conflict is part of doing business, and trying to be right all the time is not looked upon favorably by coworkers. The key is keeping the conflict professional instead of turning it into a personal attack. Because you are emotionally invested in your work, you stand a much better chance of resolving issues if you can indeed keep it professional. Let’s examine some effective ways to do this.

• Define the conflict by determining what the actual conflict is. Don’t label the person, rather describe the specific behavior or situation that causes conflict.
• Consider your alternatives. You have to decide if this particular situation is worth pursuing. Is this the right time to take this on? Do you have more to lose than to win? Letting the other person win this one can provide a future bargaining chip.
• Talk to the person involved. Always give the person who is causing the conflict a chance to explain or correct it. The sooner you do this, the better, and your boss will expect you to try to resolve the issue before you bring it to him or her.
• Be specific regarding the behavior you want to discuss. Be direct in order to be effective and tell the person exactly what you are unhappy with. For example, you might say, “When I don’t have the research I need on my desk every morning by 9:00 am I get frustrated because I can’t do my job properly.”
• Stay calm and don’t accuse. Sometimes the other person isn’t aware of the problem. A good way to approach this is, “You may not realize this, but it’s really distracting when you talk loudly on the phone” or “ Please remember to sign the contract in the future” as opposed to “You forgot to sign the contract again!”
• Listen. Let the other person tell their side of the story and try to learn how the other person feels. You may have entirely different versions of the conflict and may resolve the issues by hearing each other out.
• Develop a mutual solution. Be specific about your solution and then listen to the other person’s ideas. Perhaps there is a compromise that makes everyone happy.
• Follow through. You may have to remind the person of the agreement, you may have to put it in writing, and you might have to renegotiate. You also have to decide if you need to take this to a higher level in the company. Always document everything in the process.

Conflict resolution can be handled with diplomacy and efficiency if you really make the effort. Be thoughtful, fair, and always consider everyone’s feelings in the process.

Please feel free to send questions to Deborah at: www.successfulimage.biz.

She will answer them in her weekly column.

Deborah O’Connor is a social strategist and founder and president of Successful Image LLC with offices in Columbia and Atlanta. She offers training and seminars on image management, workplace etiquette, and social skills necessary to succeed in life professionally and personally. Contact at:  [email protected]        www.successfulimage.biz