Steps to simplifying life

By Brian Maynor

 

 

If you have ever stopped long enough to realize exactly how busy you are, then you’ve also asked yourself how it got that way.

With the ease of having calendars at our fingertips, most of us don’t think twice about adding something to them, yet we feel most of our days are spent on obligations with little or no time for ourselves or our friends and families.  However, if you stop and think about it, nothing is adding to our calendar without our knowledge or consent.

We choose to put them there, and in return fill our days with ‘have to’s’.  When we take a moment and really look at our calendars, it’s pretty clear that a lot of our ‘have to’s’ are really optional, self-imposed obligations based on some image, idea or invisible structure we use to resemble control.

I can hear it now, “but it’s all important and matters.”  Think about this:  if everything matters equally, then does anything really matter?

Here are a few thoughts on how to free ourselves, and our calendars, from filling up with obligations so we have more time for what we want to:

1.   Embrace the agency philosophy.  This completely changed my life.  I know control is an illusion, but I derive a sense of comfort and security from it, but the concept of agency helps me loosen that need exponentially.

The philosophy of agency states that we have the capacity to make choices, and the power to act on them.  While we are not able to control the outcomes, we do have the power to make decisions and take action.  This is a life-changing philosophy because it applies everywhere from the smallest areas of our lives to our biggest dreams and goals, and refocuses our need to feel in control of outcomes to actions.

2.    Reclaim our inherent worth.  A lot of people derive their self-worth from what they do.  That explains in part why we are always busy.  If we stop or have a moment of free time, we feel worthless, guilty or even empty. Like we are letting someone down by not doing something every second of every day.

The only way to truly break that cycle is by reclaiming our self-worth, and rediscovering what really matters to us.  People will always be eager and willing to take our time and talents for little to nothing in return.  That means it’s up to us to know our worth, and value ourselves enough to stop saying ‘yes’ to everything, because our value is not derived from anything we do or achieve.  It’s fundamental.

3.    Share your goals and dreams.  Some of us are not comfortable talking about our hopes and dreams because we’re embarrassed or fear being embarrassed if they don’t work out.  We’re setting ourselves up for failure from the start.

Externalizing our thoughts and goals is not just an exercise; it’s power.  Whether we keep a vision board, a journal or share them aloud, we are creating a clearer picture of what we want our lives to be, making it easier to focus on achieving them.

4.    Own our choices.  When we say ‘yes’ to one thing we are inevitably saying ‘no’ to another.  This is a universal constant.  Couple that with the fact that life is finite, and every choice and decision we make takes on a new perspective.

In order to make the most of our decisions, we have to be honest with ourselves about our intentions and motivations, and it’s okay if they change based on the choice.  To do otherwise means we go through life making decisions at random, which may or may not lead us toward our goals or create the life we want.

With all that being said, when we think about all we ‘have to do’ it really is more about our state of mind than an actual list of obligations.  It’s much easier to cut out the filler and make more authentic choices moving forward if we start looking at them as things we ‘get to do’.

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

Click here or on the images below to learn more about the outfit.

 

 

 

I am always curious to hear about your weekend wardrobe dilemmas and help make your work wardrobe pull double duty.  Email your questions, quandaries and conundrums to [email protected].  Also find each of these storyboards at http://brianmaynor.polyvore.com with links to purchase each item.

 

 

About Brian Maynor

Brian Maynor has built a reputation as one of the leading style coaches in the Southeast and is quickly expanding his eponymous company, BRIAN MAYNOR and his FIND, FLATTER & FLAUNT line of image consulting services. A professional with a fresh, upbeat and down-to-earth personality and boundless creative energy, he works frequently with with local celebrities; Fortune 500 companies and nonprofit organizations; modeling agencies; fashion designers; production companies; record labels; media and individuals. A regular contributor to various fashion blogs and online communities, Brian Maynor is one of the most trusted and recognized style experts in the region, utilizing his education and training as a broadcast journalist to serve as a style lecturer, emcee, and commentator for over a decade. He has appeared at fashion shows, expos, and charity fundraisers, as well as events with big brands like Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Chico’s and Macy’s. His approach is innovative, creative and fashion-forward, balancing fresh, modern styles with classic pieces to keep one’s look grounded. To learn more, visit http://www.brianmaynor.com.

 

Sign up here to start your free subscription to MidlandsLife!