Deborah OConnor July 16, 2013

I’ve had a request by a business entrepreneur to write an articleregarding the do’s and don’ts of funerals. What is the right thing to do when a colleague or client loses someone? How do you do the right thing in a business environment? Here are some tips to help you navigate thesituation.

• It is appropriate to send fruit or flowerswith a card in cases of the death of an employee, boss, colleague,vendor, client or customer.
• It is also apropos to send a donation to the deceased person’s favorite charity or to a related medical organization.
• Check the obituaries, as they often indicate the family’s wishes for donations.
• It is very appropriate to attend the funeral of a co-worker, boss, or colleague.
• Some people are uncomfortable attending funerals, but simply remember that you are honoring your friend.
• Who can attend a funeral? If it is public, anyone may attend, from themourning to the curious. If it is private, only those who have beenspecifically invited may attend. It is in poor taste to attend a private funeral to which you have not been invited.
• Black is still thetraditional color to wear to a funeral. It is not required, but doesshow respect. Do not wear bright or loud colors to a funeral. Do dressconservatively in suits or long dresses, similar to what you would wearto church. It is in bad taste to wear clothing that is too tight, tooshort, sexy or sloppy. Remember, you are showing respect.
• Manypeople will learn of the death through the newspaper obituary. Noticesshould be placed in all local papers where friends, family, andcolleagues live. If someone spent 20 years in one city, then relocatedto another, notices should be placed in both cities’ paper.
• Notices will inform you where and when the funeral will take place, whether itis public or private, and will usually say whether flowers or donationsare preferred.
• Viewings can also be held in the home of thedeceased, though this is quite unusual today. They are usually held atthe funeral home.
• Wakes are fairly common. It is a party to saygoodbye to the deceased and it is your choice to attend or not.Sometimes this can bring closure, as all of the deceased’s friends areusually there and it is a nice way to say farewell. You are notobligated to attend.
• Close friends should always call and ask if there is anything they can do. Perhaps the family needs extra food anddrink for relatives. They may need someone to pick up out-of-towners atthe airport. It is always appropriate and a very nice gesture to offerto help.
• It is a grievous breach of etiquette to inquire aboutthe cause of death to the family. It could be natural, from an illness,suicide, AIDS, an overdose, or any number of things. Be respectful andnever say, “It’s better this way” or “At least his suffering is over.”You can think it, but keep your thoughts to yourself.
• Absolutely send a card to the family telling them how sorry you are for their loss. Keep it brief and to the point.

With a little common sense and a kind heart, you can navigate through this difficult time.

Deborah O’Connor is a social strategist and founder and president of Successful Image LLC with offices in Columbia and Atlanta. She offers training and seminars on image management, workplace etiquette, and social skillsnecessary to succeed in life professionally and personally. Contactat:  [email protected]        www.successfulimage.biz