Something to be glad about

By Jeff Becraft

I have no micro-motor skills. Or if I have any, it’s very little. It takes me forever to get the key into a keyhole and to open up a door. In fact, one time where I used to work, somebody in the office said, “I can always tell it’s you.” And I said, “Well, how’s that?” “Because of all the noise you make trying to open the door.” Little things like cords getting tangled… you know, that just drives me crazy.

It is a very good thing that I’m not a dental hygienist. That would not be pretty for anybody.

I could see how the conversation would go with some unsuspecting patient. (I would have to be the one doing all the talking because there is stuff stuffed in their mouth. If they do talk back to me, it would probably sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher or something.)

“Look… I’m sorry I shot you up the nose with the waterpik. I wasn’t trying to. I thought I had it aimed in the right direction.

“What… you want me to use the harpoon? I don’t think you realize what you are really saying. Well, I can do that, but, you know, I’m looking through this little mirror thing backwards and upside down. And this is just a little mirror. You realize how big the rear-view mirror is on my car? And it’s not like I’m running around driving backwards in my car all the time. I mean, this is not how most people function in their ordinary day. Looking upside down with a chipmunk makeup mirror is just not a normal way to look at things. You should see when I try to shave or trim my hair. I think the razor is going in one direction and it is really going in another direction. But here, okay, we’ll try….

“Dude… you’ve got the amazon forest growing in your nose. Good thing I’m not working on that… I’d have to go in there with a weed whacker or something… or maybe even a bush hog.

“Look I know that the little vacuum tube doesn’t get everything. I didn’t invent it… I just stick it in your mouth. What happens after that is up to you. Listen, I need you to stop trying to swallow… this isn’t a restaurant; I’m trying to clean your teeth here. We are burning daylight. We need to get to the miniature floor buffer that I stick in your mouth and polish your teeth.”

After a few seconds of trying to use the harpoon… “Well, you know what? We’re just going to skip all this and go straight to the dental floss. Now, I’m going to let you know that I am going to keep sawing down until I get a reaction from you. That way I will know if I am doing my job.

“Do you ever even brush your teeth? It looks like last year’s Labor Day barbeque is stuck in there. You know what?… it is really too tight between these two teeth right here. I think we’re gonna get the dentist to come in here and we’ll drill away some of that tooth. That will make this a lot easier.”

Verbal response… in Charlie Brown’s teacher vocab… in all caps.

“What… you don’t like that idea? You’re right. We should get the dentist in here and just pull that tooth out altogether. Then you won’t have to worry about flossing in that area. There won’t be any tooth there to floss. I like your thinking. That will make life a lot easier on all of us…”

So, no matter what kind of day you are having today, you can be glad about one thing… you can be glad that I am not your dental hygienist.

Jeff Becraft is the Director of Our Place of Hope and the Director Emeritus for Youth Corps and has dedicated much of his life to helping shift the vision of people’s lives. Our Place of Hope is a paradigm shift for people living with mental illness that encourages them to regain meaning, purpose, and hope for their lives. You can connect with Jeff at  [email protected].