Being known

By Jeff Becraft

My favorite definition of intimacy is “to be fully known and yet still delighted in.”

Now, here is what goes on in a lot of places… it’s kind of a “welcome to Moe’s” operation. I don’t know if Moe’s was the first to start it. The first time I experienced it was Cicis Pizza. You walk in the door and it’s, “Welcome to CiCis!” You walk in to Moe’s, and it is, “Welcome to Moe’s!” And I love that. I love that atmosphere. I am really not that big a fan of Moe’s, but if I do go, I join in with the welcoming of the people as they walk in the door.

But here is the issue: when you walk into an environment like that, do you feel known?

It is better than nothing. But do you feel known?

One time at a weekend camp for children’s home kids, it was a Friday night, and I had invited our son and his wife out to join us for that night because it wasn’t too far from their house and I was going to get our son to tell his story. We were at the back of the dinner line, getting ready to go through the line, and our daughter-in-law says to me, “There is no way you are an introvert. I just watched you introduce yourself to every single person who was in the line.” Even though I really am an introvert, I responded, “That’s because I want them to know I see them. I want them to know that they are a person, that they’re valuable, that I’m not just some old and grumpy dude coming in and just giving them a message with some information. I want them to know that I see them and that I care… and that God sees them and cares.”

Some things in life don’t take a whole lot of talent… it just takes effort.

But that little bit of effort can pay off in big dividends in helping someone feel like they are seen, that they are wanted, and that they belong.

Sociologists say we live in a state of cosmic loneliness. That means we are surrounded by people, but we are lonely. We have replaced convenience for engagement. All the things that are coming out that help with convenience – things like apps, Amazon, now AI… the list goes on. It makes life easier, but it replaces engagement with other people.

Back in the Youth Corps era, our logic model had about seven blocks to it, and block number one was simple and straightforward: engage the students. That was the foundational step that led to the other steps that we implemented. The same is true now at Our Place of Hope. Our number one foundational step is to engage the members. It is not running a program… it is engaging the members. We run a program and we get things accomplished, but we do it by engaging the members.

This is what all of us need. We need to be seen. We need someone to know our name. All of us need to be wanted. All of us need to be needed… and when that is missing, that can be a downward spiral, and that can lead to some really bad choices in our lives

So the next time you have the opportunity to engage with a waitress or waiter or a cashier or someone who picks up your trash or someone right next to you or anybody else, make sure to recognize them, see them, get their name, tell them thank you for what they are doing, and that you appreciate them.

Let them know that you see them as a person and you appreciate them as a person.

Jeff Becraft is the Director of Our Place of Hope(opens in new tab) located in Columbia, South Carolina, where people find encouragement to regain meaning, purpose, and hope for their lives. Jeff has dedicated much of his life to helping shift the vision of people’s lives. If you would like Jeff to speak to your group or event, you can connect with him at  [email protected](opens in new tab).