Goiters News Service © 2008
By: G. Ott Flatulence
COLUMBIA, SC – October 22, 2008 – October 16, 2008 – In a stunning development today the “Head” Coach for AAA Accurate (Plumbing) Hockey team confirms that their star forward, Joe Leonardi aka Jockey Joe aka Inverted Turtle, has been called down to the lesser, slower C – league (“C” stand for children’s league).
When asked if the team could recover from such a devastating blow, the “Head” Coach said “Devastating blow?…ahum…oh yeah, uh, It will be tough. Jockey Joe as we call him is a great hockey player. In his last two games he has zero penalty minutes, we had expected more from Joe since bring him up from defense, to date I think he has one goal, but as I recall IT WAS AN important goal. You know statistics are not everything. Even the team statistician, Tim Blaum, would agree.” “Anyway, I think we will fight back from this “loss”, perhaps we will look at it as addition via subtraction.” The team Statistician told us he would look at complex spread sheet and get back with us on Jockey’s numbers like; shots on goal, passes (both made and intercepted), minutes on ice, water breaks, +/-, blown breakouts, shots into back of team players, # of times retying skates. We look forward to Mr. Blaum’s (B-L-A-U-M) report. Perhaps a follow up story will be necessary.
We also found for interview the C-league coach, where Jockey Joe will report for practice on Saturday night. Coach Fluffy glove was at home chopping some lumber and eating granola when we caught up to him. When asked what they planned to do with such a prolific player he responded by saying, “we needed a D – level player to even the teams, Joe was the first to come to mind”. “I thought about sliding a better player like Bruckman in, but nobody wants to play with him. He won’t pass the puck.” Plus The “Commish” said he did not want to hear Loguey complaining, even though records show he is not playing or coaching in the C – League. I think we need to check and see if Mr. Logue is on the Board of Directors.
Speaking with others from AAA; Warren commented, “I’ll miss little buddy; now I guess I’ll have to step up with my slap shot.” He went on to say, “Joe had the weakest shot behind mine – so the pressure is on. I just wish Blaum had a slap shot, Can you imagine OMG.”
I caught up with Ron Norris who played on Joe’s line. He said “I told beau to skate or he was going to get deported. I’ve got to have support in the neutral zone.” I’d tell him, “Bruckman is trying to skate through the other team plus their bench, so wait here in the neutral zone to back check”. “Hell – I’ll miss him.”
This reporter thought it would be important to speak with Joe’s past captain Kevin Taynor or “Cappy” as he is affectionately known. I am sorry to say that his comments could not be printed. Let’s just say he wish the Little Sh!! lots of luck.
It is this reporter’s opinion that the AAA Accurate may not survive this loss of such a key player. There are too many individuals with inflated egos who mistakenly call themselves hockey players. There is not enough paper to write pregame notes on, that will straighten this ships course. A new name “AAA Titanic” comes to mind. Look for the 13 individual life rafts because the ship – “she-a-sinken.”
Exclusive Video Jockey Joe and who we believe is Tim Blaum (2007 Labatt’s Archives)