Chomp!
July 5, 2013
By Ron Aiken
July 5, 2013
Road Trip Food!!
Sometimes Chomp! hits the road.
Sometimes Chomp! needs to see mountains, OK? Sometimes Chomp! Needs to breathe scorched diesel fumes, see the heat cascade in waves off an asphalt blanket and feel the tug of an 18-wheeler’s draft.
Other times Chomp! has to travel for work, like this past week when he covered Alex Rodriguez’s brief stint in Charleston. In either case Chomp! needs to eat, and it’s often difficult to find anything worthwhile when traveling, much less healthy, much less good.
Know that Chomp!’s fast-foot days are over, even when those Chomp! may be sharing a ride with insist. It’s just not an option – I don’t support them with my dollars, even their healthy fare. They can have other people’s money, just not Chomp!’s change. So, that leaves Chomp! with gas station fare, which you might think is worse but can actually be better if precautions are taken, care is exercised and good sense followed.
Mostly, that good sense follows protein, as in sticking to it. Sugar, protein, no starches and heavy on the caffeine – these are what the traveling body needs. Bread and flatulence have an unholy connection (did you know, while we’re on the subject I introduced that pumpernickel mean’s The Devil’s Fart? It totally does!), and having traveled extensively with someone who consistently orders the Subway Breakfast Sub, it does things to your body that other people in confined settings should not be subjected to.
So, even though it’s more expensive than gold, beef jerky is the only way to go when you’re traveling for your protein. If you’re on a budget, the Slim Jim is an acceptable alternative to the more-pricey jerky. Sometimes I get both, though Slim Jims do make your breath stink worse than the Group Therapy bathroom (Hayo! Did I just go there? Oh, snap!).
For caffeine, forget the Mountain Dew, forget Coke, forget coffee. It’s Red Bull and Red Bull only (Chomp!’s motto isRed Bull…for safety!). If you can manage, these two items are all you need. Sometimes, though, on trips in which you’re driving through the night (and Chomp! has made cross-country, non-stop 40-plus hour drives approximately 12 times), you may add either pretzels or popcorn (white popcorn is best).
Potato chips are a ‘no.’ Hot dogs are a ‘no,’ unless you want your stomach to explode. Doritos are a ‘no,’ as they’ll upset your stomach and cover your fingers with red powdered cheese you can’t get off with a napkin, which adds a safety hazard. Donuts are a ‘no.’ Water is a ‘no’ – not only doesn’t it give you anything you need for the road, it only increases the desire of your bladder.
The reason I choose these items goes beyond nutrition. Safety is, in fact, a primary concern. Alertness cannot be overstated as imperative with interstate travel. And when you’re tiring, one thing that helps – besides the calories and energy – is the simple act of reaching for some popcorn or beef jerky. It’s a physical activity that stimulates the blood, body and mind, if not tremendously (you’re seated behind the wheel of a moving car, after all) at least more than doing nothing, and on long overnight trips when the road seems to be blurring into one fuzzy conglomeration of lights, every little bit helps.
Safe travels this summer from Chomp!-on-the-road!
Above Photo: Diabolic evil or metabolic genius? The latter, of course! Always remember when traveling, Red Bull…for safety!
Charleston Tomato Joy
This is not a recipe, except for maybe how to engage the world and the fruits – literally – that come from it.
While sitting in a Sticky Fingers killing time before the ballgame and writing Chomp!, I noticed a 50-ish African-American woman getting out of a car with two tomatoes sitting on the dashboard.
A little while later it occurred to me that doing so seemed like a wonderful, creative way to ripen one’s fruit in an accelerated manner than just leaving it out in the kitchen in a bowl – provided it’s not for too long on a 100-degree day, etc., etc. So I walked over to that woman and asked, because she seemed like someone who had figured some things out about life in general, and this may just be one of those several things.
As often happens with scenarios I construct and entertain in my mind about the lives of people at tables around me at restaurants (it’s a hobby, I’m afraid), it turned out not to be true – well, the dashboard-ripening theory, at least. She is a hospice nurse and had just left a patient who had given her the tomatoes as a thank-you, which at least confirmed my idea that this was one smart, sweet woman.
I thanked her for her time and wished her well. A few minutes later she returned to my table with the tomatoes and thanked me for speaking to her and that she wanted me to have them.
These are those tomatoes:
I didn’t get her name, nor did she get mine, but I find in life every time I engage the people it presents me with with kindness and warmth, the gifts are returned tenfold. Thank you, big-hearted Charleston hospice nurse/tomato giver, for your bit of sunshine, your bit of tomato joy.
Follow Chomp! on Twitter @RonAiken and on Facebook. Email Chomp! at [email protected]. He even answers his phone sometimes: 803-200-8809. Cheers!
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